How Do You Start a Dream?

Two years ago when I told people I was quitting my stable corporate job to risk everything to open a bakery, most people exclaimed shock. Then envy. “You’re so brave” and “I wish I could do that” were regular responses. They talked to me as if I had unveiled some superpower only an elite few were blessed. It shouldn’t have surprised me. In my role as a supervisor, I regularly talked with people about their hopes and dreams while they worked their paycheck job as a call center specialist. None ever said they had wished that career as a child. All said they only did it for the money as they waited for something better. The surprising part was when I asked everyone, “If money were no object, what would you do?” I rarely got an answer. Instead, they said “I don’t know.”

When I was 7, I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to be a secretary or a waitress. On the weekends, when waiting for my dad at his medical supply store, I would punch all the buttons on the phone and put myself on hold on every line. At my parents’ parties, I would pass around appetizers and take drink orders with a beaming smile. I loved when someone complimented “What a good little waitress you are.” It was the beginning stages of identifying something I wanted and doing it.

I got older and my interests changed. I dreamed about being working in the music industry. I applied for an internship with Capitol Records freshmen year of college even though I faced a three hour round trip commute and had no car. Luckily, they didn’t offer it to me. I settled working security at concerts and bumming rides from my dormmates who I convinced to get the same job. There were no excuses of why it wasn’t practical to work around the music I loved. I didn’t really even give two thoughts about the barriers, I kepting working towards the goal.

When it was time to get serious about a college major, I picked the only one I thought I could pass, Creative Writing. It’s probably because I had been writing short stories since first grade and loved the magic in creating. Even though everyone told me there was no future in writing, I thought having a degree was better than not having a degree. Graduation came and that’s when the real world slapped all those writing dreams right out of my mind. Everyone said I needed to focus on paying rent, getting married, and having a family. Dreams and adventures were things children chased and I worked desperately hard to act like an adult. While I knew my heart craved creativity and leadership, I chose a job in banking. I laugh now thinking I could ever pull that off. My first warning should’ve been when I could never balance my money drawer as a teller. I moved from banking to an even worse fate, insurance. And there I stayed for the next twenty years of my life. I tried different types of insurance, but they are all the same. While there were great things about some of those jobs (and terrible things too), it just didn’t fit. I had imagined a big life of excitement, creativity, possiblity, and inspiration. But there I was doing the expected in an industry everyone hated.

It was a dream to own a business. I dabbled in party planning for a couple years on the side of “my real job.” I revisited becoming that writer from so many years ago. Those worries popped back up to reminded me it was crazy to think I could take such a risk to even consider it as a career. Now I had a family, a mortgage, and a retirement to consider. Another list of reasons I shoudn’t try something daring because there was too much to lose.

I always dreamed of cutting a red ribbon with giant scissors.

Then my life turned upside down. My once satisfying insurance job turned into a hostile work environment. My husband divorced me and stability left with him. There were no commas in my bank account. What had all those years of playing it safe gotten me? I thought following the rules was supposed to stop uncertainty from blowing up my perfect world.

When the thought about following my dream crossed my mind, doubt came right in with it. What did I really know about starting a small business? I didn’t have any money or investors. There was no safety net if I fell from that high of a ledge. The fears and reasons not to do it were a million miles long. However, after asking so many people why didn’t they chase their dreams, what a hypocrite I was for saying I couldn’t chase mine.

Now on the other side of taking a leap, I can tell you this with certainty. The answer to how you start a dream is easy — you just have to do it. There’s no other way around it. You believe in yourself and commit to doing what you’ve always wanted. There will never be a “right” time where you feel comfortable because risk is always uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. It doesn’t mean you’ll be successful. It’s not even a gaurantee it will make you happy. But, that’s not the point of a dream, is it? A dream is about experience. About reaching farther than you thought could and getting to live what you thought wasn’t possible.

One of the most exciting days of my life was when the sign went up.

We all have those little whispers of dreams we’ve always wanted to chase. We blurt out “I don’t know” when asked because saying the words outloud make them real. If you speak them, you have this internal responsibility to do something with the knowledge. And if you consider it, it usually means you invite fear and doubt to start listing off all the reasons you aren’t worthy. My advice is to invite them in. Let those worries list of all the reasons and acknowledge all those things could be true. But then you tell yourself you know the one important thing that trumps any of those claims — YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are capable. You deserve to live your fullest life.

Are you ready to start chasing a dream? Listen to that little voice and answer, “What have you always wanted to do?” Because I’m here to tell you, no matter how difficult, how challenging, or how exhausting, when you start on that path towards your dream, you won’t want to look back. You’ll be too busy enjoying the new view of where you’ve always wanted to be.

Read Full Post »

Staying Present

As I mentioned last week, I was first introduced to Eckart Tolle in Oprah’s Super Soul podcast. I was eager to skip over reading his book The New Earth and just get to the meat of each chapter in the podcast’s breakdown. (Side note: I did go back and read the book.) The book’s message is about putting your ego in check and realizing who you actually are, ie your soul. This is a very simplified explanation for a complex book. While listening to the podcast, some of the messages I understood quickly. Others, I had to relisten at least 3 times before I could even imagine it. The idea I embraced the most was when he talked about not getting caught up in past failures or worries about the future. Instead, Tolle says, the only true thing you can do is stay present.

This concept was a lifeline because I had been drowing in a year of past life punishment and worries about what will happen down the road. How could I give all that up to stay in this moment? It seemed ridiculous, to be honest, because it was so engrained in who I was. During February, I followed Tolle’s guidance of appreciating nature and concentrating on my breath when I started to get caught up in drama. The month was going well for my business so the staying present stuff seemed pretty easy. Future expectations started to be exciting again versus the constant dread I was used to. By month’s end, I broke even with sales for the first time since opening. My hopes surged with ideas of the momentum building and successful growth. This staying present thing was pretty simple when I had a future to look forward.

I envisioned lines out the door and daily orders coming in for cakes. We’d have to make three cakes at a time to keep up with demand. It wouldn’t be long before the income was steady and in six months I imagined writing myself my first paycheck. My mood increased to hopeful and even confident. All my fears were falling away. Finally, I was turning a real corner. Then…(dramatic music)…Covid.

Two weeks later, the movie theater next to my store closed. Then, the newly opened restaurant that promised to bring even more foot traffic, closed as well. All the future expectations slipped from my finger tips. Those once dreamed about lines out the door reduced to 2 people a day. Big cake orders disappeared as weddings were canceled. No reason for birthday cakes when no one could get together to celebrate.

Patience has never been my strong point. It’s one of the reasons I struggled so much the first year in business. I wanted success and I wanted it immediately. Even though I didn’t admit it. Not even to myself. I assumed the first year would be difficult, but in all honesty I didn’t imagine it would be THAT hard. There I was, finally tasting a morsal of a success, and it disappeared like Thanos snapped his fingers. I asked the universe to give me patience thinking it would keep away the anxiety that overwhelmed me in 2019. I should have listened more closely to Oprah’s podcast that said, “When you ask the universe for patience, it can’t give you patience like a superpower. Instead, it presents situations to which you can build your skill.”

My anxiety wiggled its little voice back into my head. “What are you going to do now?” “Everyone is going out of business.” “How could you have made all those bad decisions?” “This is going to be the final nail in your coffin.” It was in one of those moments where I finally took a deep breath and really thought about it. With the smooth inhale, my should shoulders rose. My back straightened. My lungs filled. Then the slow release of exhale. My body decompressed. The air melodic. I felt all the life coursing through my limbs.

The sky captures my imagination almost every day now.

I continued breathing for a good five minutes and sat still in the silence. Afterwards, I walked outside and let the sunshine warm my face. The sky was more blue and glorious than I had ever really appreciated. The wind rustling through the trees. As I soaked in the sun in my present moment, I realized Covid was the opportunity for me to learn patience. Nothing else could be done but to stay in the day I was living and to appreciate every moment. I finally experienced what it meant to be present.

In the many months of Covid, I have not closed my store or laid off my employees. Instead, we’ve adjusted hours, completed trainings, and even got to things I had put off for the first year. Some days produced so little, there’s hardly any point in being opened. Those are tough mental days, but my reaction stays the same. My breathing meditation included focusing on the word “Trust” on the inhale and “Surrender” on the exhale. The store remains open for my community and my employees. To give them a constant in a time of uncertainty. When worries about the future want to overwhelm, I bring myself back to today.

Being present expands far beyond my work life now. I incorporate it into my personal living. When I talk with my teenage children, I soak in the way their eyes widen when telling a story, the small corner smiles when they burn me with saying I’m a “Facebook mom” and the way they glow when they burst into laughter. I feel so much of it, I almost start to cry. Crying for those moments I missed by being worried with what I had to do next. I only allow those concerns to be brief because they also cloud the perfection of the moment.

The intention on being present is impossible to do all the time. I fall back into old patterns by beating myself up for past mistakes or worry about how I will pay for my mortgage at month’s end. However, this year of Covid taught me more patience than I have ever experienced before. I try to stay in each moment and appreciate what it’s giving me. I work my hardest to be the best I can be today and grateful for the opportunity. When that moment becomes the past, I smile because I was truly there for it. I know with all my heart it will bring the future I am meant to experience.

Read Full Post »