In my epic night where I got to hang out with the fellas from Dreamers, I also embarrassed myself to no end. I’ve had nights like that before where I made poor decisions with The Airborne Toxic Event, but I had my girlfriends backing me up. On my Dreamers’ night, I only brought my liquid bestie, Lemon Drop, to the party. Alcohol is a fickle bitch. One minute she gives you the courage to put yourself out there, the next she’s ripping away your dignity. Unfortunately, I made some major fails. I am here to share my shame in hopes when you have the chance to hang out with a group of handsome band gentleman, you will avoid such travesties.
I didn’t put on the list the endless pictures I made them all take. Nick even put up with a stream of selfies with different facial expressions because I seriously took like 15. And yes, he’s that adorable.
Fail #1 — Locked Doors
I started mildly lame by being plain dumb. After a forceful rejection at New Politics when I pulled on a locked door where security yelled at me to leave, I came back to catch the end of Civil Twilight. I walked up to the door, pulled, and faced another locked opportunity. Defeated, I walked to the bar where Chris (Dreamers drummer) was ordering dinner.
“It’s over?” I said.
“No, they’re still playing,” he said.
This is where I had the chance to save face, but I went barreling forward with my ignorance. If I had stopped to hear the music pouring through the walls I could’ve figured out they wouldn’t have locked the one entrance. Hello, fire hazard.
“No, the door’s locked,” I said.
He walked me over and we both watched as I pulled again to no movement. Then the light bulb clicked on and I gave pushing a go. Door opened with ease. Chris doesn’t say anything but gives a sideways smirk and walked back to the bar. Mortified — 1. Cool and sophisticated — 0.
Fail #2 — Gracefulness
This fail shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who knows me. I am the same person who walked off a curb and destroyed my ankle a decade ago. And that was stone-cold sober. Mix in alcohol, very little sleep from the previous days, and I should’ve seen this coming before the night even started.
Nick (Dreamers guitarist/lead singer) and I threw back a tequila shot before heading towards their van. They nicely agreed (or maybe I invited myself) to let me join their karaoke night. They were driving over and said I could tag along. They all jump in with their long legs and spry selves. I knew when I threw my leg up it was going to be a stretch. I pressed forward with my booze soaked thoughts and wobbly head. Another poor choice. For a moment I was up. My hands clawed for something to grab on to. Kinda like this:
The cat and I shared that same “Oh fuck, what have I done?” look the moment I realized I wasn’t going to make it into a seat. When I knew balance wasn’t going to give me the help I needed, I let go and fell in all its glory. The end result was flat backed on the street and praying I’d become invisible on the way down. I had an audience of four (if you don’t include the bar behind me with windows along the front wall.) It was the band and their tour manager. If you at all think you’re going to be able to keep your cool cred after something like that, you’re a fucking idiot. Then the pity comes out from the very nice gentlemen who gasped and offered to help me up immediately. This only makes being a fool even worse because you can’t pretend like it never happened.
They were champs about it. I told them (maybe whimpered) not to ask how I was or help me up. Instead, I begged them to pretend it never happened. They put on sincere faces and said “what fall?” For this (and many other things), I will love them forever. Haven’t you kinda fallen in love with them now, too?
When I have told this story to people, they try to tell me it wasn’t that embarrassing to fall. The consensus has been if I didn’t puke, piss, or shit myself in front of them, I came out looking pretty good. What is wrong with you people? Remind me never to concert with you. (Except you Jamie, aka the one who never takes anything less than a gorgeous selfie, our fun at TATE in SF should be repeated.)
Fail #3 — My Mouth
Once I did get into the van, the boys were charming, witty, and completely adorable. Me? Loud, obnoxious, and I think there was snort laughter. Chris (drummer) pulled out a guitar and Nick (guitarist/singer) made up a song on the spot. Pretty fucking cool, right? Uh, note to past self if I could go back in a time machine — be quiet. Enjoy it. You don’t have to try to participate by talking when you don’t have all your brain cells. But I did. Poor Nelson and the tour manager weren’t safe in the front seat either. I leaned over, shined my camera’s flash about 3 inches from their faces, and told them they have to join in. Nelson graciously smiled and adds some melody. Manager kept driving and told me it’s okay when I said I must be blinding him. The worst (and coolest) part, it’s on video. A video that will never be seen by anyone even though I wish I could because if you weren’t in love with them before, you would fall hook, line, and sinker after seeing it.
You may be thinking it couldn’t have been that bad. Well, there was that part where I said Dead Weather had Jack Black in it. The song then morphed into how Jack Black is kinda like Jack White, but not really. Ugh…a music fail to top it off. You might be thinking in the end I’m going to be the bigger person and show this video because I’m the only one who looks like an idiot in it. Uh, nope. Maybe if you catch me on a good night, where I’m kinda lit, and rockin’ some pretty awesome hair, you might have a chance. (Even Bestie hasn’t seen it.)
Proof I made it into the van. Also, my girlfriends have been swooning all over these boys since I came home. I think they’ll all join me for the next show.
Fail #4 — Ignoring All the Signs
I waited for someone to be brave and ask “Who the hell is this chick again? And why is she here?” I was having the best time so I prayed no one got the courage. Sitting off to the side of the bar was the tour manager working on something. I headed over to make sure he was having a good time, too. Because I do turn myself into the fun police in events like this. I want everyone as happy as me. I’d been calling the tour manager Sober all night, and if that isn’t obnoxious enough, I proceeded to bug him while he worked on crossword puzzles. Again, I could’ve picked up on the clues he was doing a one person only task which is the universal sign for “leave me alone.” He too was super nice and stopped his puzzle to chat. I take a moment to tell him we should be best friends. Of course when he doesn’t jump at the chance, I try to convince him I’d make the best BFF and we could call Bestie right then to prove it. I’m sure she would’ve loved the 2am wake up call.
Later, we talk again (shocking he didn’t run away) and I ask him to tell me his backstory. Oh, how I love to learn about different people. I could question each and every one of them all day about details they take for granted and I find incredibly interesting. Maybe they’ll let me sometime? Anyways, I think I’m going for funny when a mild concert Tourette’s comes out and my joke ends with Sober saying “Are you calling me an inbred?” Oy. Definitely not what I was going for. Sorry, Sober. I would put a picture where he’s trying to get away from me, but I’ll respect his “no pictures” policy. (Even with that policy, he was too nice to say no when I insisted he take one with me.)
While most people might hide from their embarrassing moments, or even admit this might be rock bottom, I proudly wear them on my sleeve. The whole night was amazing, inspiring, wonderfully magical. I kept telling Nick how I hope they always remember people are changed after they leave their show. Maybe they’re in love with live music more than they thought they could be. Maybe they’re inspired to create their own art. Maybe they’re rejuvenated to take more risks and meet new people. Or maybe they’re forever happy and grateful to be included in one amazing night, fails and all.
Next time: The Morning After.
If you would like to share your famous concert fails, I would love to hear them. Go ahead and leave them in the comments.