I committed at the year’s beginning to write about breakthroughs on the fifth of every month. I’ve proceeded to miss the deadline every month since. This might have something to do with my theory about deadlines killing creativity. Or this could be the result or my creative slump where I let doubt win a little each day.
So what does every struggling artist do when she wants to forget a deadline looming over her head? She distracts herself with a million other things to keep her mind busy. The bakery has been an easy distraction with jobs popping up here or there. They’ve kept me buried in flour and sugar on most weekends. The jobs even give me a slice of creative hope while I’m piping cakes and frosting cookies.
Another thing keeping my mind wandering is a constant Psych episode string with my children. My submersion into the witty psychic and his hella funny sidekick consumes all my waking moments. The fact I can hide my addiction by watching with my kids is an extra bonus. I try to glean some creativity confidence with the 80’s banter flying and wonder how I can work Mikel Jollett into my story so he’ll do the cameo when I sell the rights to the movie.
When the deadline finally arrived this month and the 5th clicked over on the calendar, I loaded up my gal pals for a shopping road trip. Now before you shun me for being a complete cliché, I needed a mall with more stores than Justice and Piercing Pagoda to stock up for my Mexico trip. We had a lovely day critiquing our wardrobe selections, glamming it up at the MAC store, and chowing down at PF Changs. Each of us remembering the meal unlike our last time when we dined before The Airborne Toxic Event show, posed for this picture in the middle of the restaurant, and proceeded to make many party fouls.
What does this have to do with anything about breaking through doubt? I’m not sure. I know I’ve been living. I’ve been hanging with the kids, visiting family, reading books, watching movies, putting in long hours at work, walking in the morning, shopping with friends, and growing the bakery business. I guess with all that going on there hasn’t been much time for doubt. There hasn’t been much writing either.
I think this is where I am for the moment. I’ve lessened my obsession with Twitter and have tried to remind myself there’s no clock ticking with my dreams. It’s my choice when I want to pursue them and when I want to put them on the back burner. My mom said “Maybe this writing thing ran its course?” But I don’t believe that either. I think it’s on hiatus. Waiting for me to get the creative burst I need to throw myself back on the scene. For now I will appreciate where I am and look forward to where I’m going. It’s the only way I’m going to write my life story without any doubts.